we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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