Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
