you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
