she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
