everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
