what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
