did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Be still, my beating vagina.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
