Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
