If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
