I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
