nut hugger
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
