So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm really busy with my period
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