Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
