He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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