Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
