I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
