your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
