What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
