I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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