Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
