I want to make a zoo with you.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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