Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
