Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
