Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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