This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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