Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize