it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Pooping to opera.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
