I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
