dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
