I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
