he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You pole danced in your parka.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
