What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
