and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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