It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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