did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
either way he was missing a nipple.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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