did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
