your parents love me but you hate me
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
