dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
