I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
