is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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