He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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