He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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