My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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