Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
