It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
