when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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