You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
