wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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