Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
