im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize