i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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