i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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