that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
be right there i have to get my cape
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
