i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
