My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
