before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
