then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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