Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
