i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
