Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
