I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
