I wish I could teleport
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
