Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
