Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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