i need an iv and a liver transplant
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
