One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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