i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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