this just has baby written all over it
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
