btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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