8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My bed is full of blood and feathers
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Randomize
