I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
